I’m going to preface this piece by advising that this is over a year old. Nicholas has come a long way since this evening. I publish for transparency but know that the sun rose much brighter the next day, and every day after. I publish just as a reminder that this is everything I’m not. I publish this to show that sometimes you can overthink things far, far too much. The product of which isn’t grounded in reality at all. This was my rock bottom but I’ve clawed right back.
I’m nearly out. I’m nearly free.
I’m a piece of shit, she doesn’t care
I’m incapable of being loved. I am nothing
I will never be anything. I am lifeless.
My corporeal form fails me at every turn.
I’m a piece of shit. I am worthless.
There is no point to my existence.
I should end it all here and now.
There is no purpose to my life.
I am a joke procuring no laughter.
I am disgusting beast.
I have no place. I am a piece of shit.
Why I was raised I will never know.
I am a product of ill circumstance.
No purpose nor worth.
I am my fathers son.
I am doomed.
I am doom.
Afflicted by a malfunctioning brain.
A brain that was born to hate.
I am the piece of shit it hates.
I tear myself down.
Fuck it and everything.
None of it matters.
And she doesn’t care.
My mind shows horrible images.
Things with my power. My control.
I think I’m normal yet I entertain such violence.
I am truly terrible.
I am not worthy of her.
I am not worth of anything.
Fuck the world.
And fuck everything.
I am piece of shit.
I need to lay in the dirt and die.